Cell Block Tango: He Had It Coming
by savinglives44
Summary: AddisonAlex. MeredithDerek. MarkIzzie. CristinaBurke. Callie throws a girl's only sleepover. Alcohol, confrontations, and FUN. All of the characters appear equally.


**Cell Block Tango: He Had it Coming**

**Disclaimer: I don't own 'em.**

Note to Can't Fight the Moonlight readers: As you can probably tell by the title, this is nothing new. I just wanted to let you know, so you don't have to read it all over again. Unless you want to.

_

* * *

_

_He had it coming  
He only had himself to blame_

Callie was having a sleepover. Girl's only.

It first came to her when Addison was looking glum over her divorce, and then she ran into Meredith, who was being her dark and twisty self. After having lunch with Cristina and having to listen to her complain for an hour, Callie decided that everyone needed a night where they could just wind down. Unfortunately, if you invite one intern, then you have to invite all of them. And that included Izzie.

Actually, she ended up inviting everyone, but Bailey happened to be on call that night. Luckily for Callie, all of the women interns had the night off. Richard had decided to rearrange the work schedule for the surgical interns. In order to reduce the number of...distractions during the work day, he separated assigned the male interns to different hours than the female interns. As this was illegal-ish and instantly provoked all of the women to stand up against this discrimination, he claimed it was an "accident" on his own part and promised that the schedule would return to normal in a matter of weeks. Regardless, this incident freed the schedules of Meredith, Cristina, and Izzie, all on this Friday night. Callie figured that Meredith and Izzie were a shoe-in to come, as she believed that they were still living in high school and would leap at a chance for pillow fights and alcohol. Of course, Meredith volunteered to bring the tequila and mix for the margaritas and Izzie baked brownies. Cristina surprised Callie by being almost enthusiastic about the whole situation. Clearly, she was excited to get out of the house for a night.

Callie purposely told the rest of them to come a half hour later than the time Addison was supposed to arrive. She wanted to have some time to talk to Addison before the interns came and ruined everything with their alcohol and cheerfulness. She thought it might help the both of them relax before the whole thing started.

Addison knocked on the door at eight o'clock sharp, and Callie opened it. She smiled and thought for the first time, that this might actually be fun. "Hey!"

"Hey!" Addison cautiously stepped into the flat. "Where is everyone?"

Callie laughed nervously. "Oh, you know, those interns. They're always late."

Addison took off her coat hesitantly. She didn't know why she was so anxious. Callie was her best friend. Maybe it was just the prospect that Meredith Grey was about to be here soon. She really never got over her fear of the tiny woman.

Addison turned her attention to the bar. "Wow." She moved down the line, glancing at all of it. "That's a lot of food. And drinks."

"Yep." Callie felt at ease talking to her. "I figured that it would be less awkward if everyone was drunk."

Addison laughed and tilted her head in thought. She really drank much since the attack. This might be interesting. She wrinkled her nose. "Do you think this is going to be really weird?"

Callie poured a drink and glanced up at Addison. "Nah." She handed the martini to her. "If we're talking about the same thing, no one's going to be thinking about it. And if we aren't talking about the same thing, then I'm sure no one's going to be thinking about it. I just talked to these women. They're coming here to vent and eat. Well, actually, I think that the only reason that Izzie's coming is because I have the twentieth anniversary edition of Dirty Dancing and a high-def projector that enhances the sweat on Patrick Swayze's body. And Meredith will do anything that involves tequila and talking about herself. But I'm pretty sure Cristina is coming here to vent and eat. I feel like I'm talking a lot. Am I talking a lot? You say something now."

Addison laughed as she sipped her martini. "No. Keep talking. You're hilarious. And it's distracting me from the fact that the three people that I'm probably scared of the most are going to march into this room and want to girl-talk with me."

"Ahhh…" Callie nodded. "So you keep quiet when you're nervous. I'm the opposite. I talk. And I won't shut up until you tell me to. Let's play a game of who's more nervous. You go first."

Addison fiddled with the toothpick in her drink and smiled. Callie wass such a great friend to her. "Okay. I'm nervous because Meredith is going to be here and-"

Callie interrupts her. "That's not a reason."

Addison raises her eyebrows in question. "How did you know what I was going to say?"

"I've already told you that she's not dating Derek." Callie did not know if this was true, but she figured that the only way to calm Addsion was to convince her of this truth.

Addison groaned. "Come on, I'm not stupid."

"And-" Callie hesitated. "neither is she."

Addison gave her a 'Are you kidding me?' look and Callie rolled her eyes. "She isn't ALL stupid. I mean, she did break up with him when she found that he was lying his married ass off."

"And then she slept with his married ass." Addison rebuts.

_Good point_, Callie thought. "Aren't you over this already?"

"You brought it up!" Addison exclaimed with wide eyes. "And, yes. Of course, I'm seeing Alex."

Callie took a breath like she was about to say something, and then she didn't. She just stared at the counter. When she looked up, Addison was smiling at her and they both dissolved into giggles.

After regaining her breath, Callie said "That was the LEAST intelligent argument that I have ever had."

"Least intelligent?" Addison refilled her drink. "Who do you think you are? Say stupidest."

"That's not a word," Callie defended.

Addison shrugged. "Who's counting?"

"We never finished our game." Callie recalled as she motions over to the couch. They sat down.

"Ohhhh, right." Addison remembered. The leather couch was very nice and squishy as she sank down into it. "Okay. Spill. Why are you nervous?"

"It doesn't matter." Callie said, "Any reason that I could give would be infinitely better than yours."

"Come on," Addison bounced a little on the couch. The alcohol had kind of gone to her head already, and the laughter broke up made her comfortable in this strange place. "I really want to know."

"Fine." Callie swung her legs up onto the couch so she can face Addison, and Addison did the same. "My point is three-fold. One." She held up one finger. "I've slept with Izzie's current boyfriend. Now that's awkward."

"What?!" Addison exclaimed. Then she remembered, "Oh yeah. I forgot you slept with Mark."

"Let me finish!!" Callie scolded, playfully. "Wait until I'm done talking. Okay. Where was I?"

"Point two." Addison reminded her.

"Right." Callie held up two fingers. "Two. I'm pretty sure Meredith is scared of me because one time, I tried to fight her in the locker room."

It was very hard for Addison to keep quiet. She gave up. "Please, you have to tell me what happened with that. I mean, you're like my hero."

Callie grinned. "Well, if you must know, it was because I thought she had told George about Mark. But don't worry, nothing happened. Stevens stepped in to defend her. Something about Meredith being a very tiny person."

"Wow." Addison was bewildered.

"She is a very tiny person," Callie admitted."I could have taken them, but I didn't want to risk my million dollar hands on something stupid like that, so I backed off." She kissed her knuckles for full effect. "But on to point three," A third finger shot up. "I've been sworn to secrecy, but-" she whispers, "I've seen Cristina in pastels."

Addison froze. "No…"

"It's the truth." Callie nodded. "And we can't even look at each other anymore."

"That's so sad." Addison said with fake sympathy. "Okay." She smiled. "You win. But only because I let you."

"Whatever." Callie scoffs.

There was a knock at the door. Addison's stomach turned to butterflies and Callie sighed. Leave it to the interns to be fifteen minutes early. They both picked themselves off the couch, drinks in hand, and Callie cautiously opened the door. Even when the door wasn't fully open, yet, butterflies and rainbows seemed to seep from the cracks.

Callie seemed to be moving too slowly, compared to Izzie's standards, so Izzie pushed open the door from the outside. "Hi!!"

Izzie rushed in and placed her stuff down on the floor. "I brought chick flicks!" she said in a high-pitched sing-song voice, while holding up a trilogy of Legally Blonde, Miss Congeniality, and Sleepless in Seattle. "This is going to be SO much fun!" She clapped her hands excitedly together.

Meredith followed Izzie, and she moved much slower. Setting her bag down right besides Izzie's, she held out the tequila that she brought and pointed to it. "I brought alcohol." She said this in such a low voice, that it came out kind of grouchy, so she smiled one of her small Meredith-smiles to let everyone know that she wasn't trying to be a bitch.

Callie led them inside. "Great. And you brought sleeping bags." She laughed through gritted teeth. "You know we have beds here, right?"

Izzie shook her head and laughed. "Yeah. We just thought it would be really fun to sleep on the floor, you know, like in middle school."

Callie shot Addison an annoyed look, who in return almost spit out her drink while laughing. "Yeah, okay."

Not long after Cristina came trudging through the door. Being her usual self, she threw her bag somewhere on the floor before mixing herself and drink and shoving five Doritos into her mouth.

Callie laughed. "And where's your sleeping bag?"

Cristina glared at her before opening her mouth and giving the entire room a good view of the food rolling around. "Oh…I don't need one. I sleep on the cold hard floor. Builds character."

"No," Izzie sighed, annoyed that Cristina was ruining all the pink girliness, "You sleep on the floor because you're bitter."

Cristina shrugged.

Addison, who hadn't spoken yet, finished her drink and said, "You know, this isn't really so bad."

Izzie was fixing some sort of red mixed drink. "What do you mean?"

Callie made a 'cut it out' motion, but Addison couldn't see her, so she continued, "Well, Callie and I were really nervous about tonight. I only had one reason, but Cal-" she hiccupped "-excuse me- Callie had three-fold reasons." She paused a second. "That didn't come out right, did it?"

Callie laughed and patted Addison on the back. "As you can see, Addison is already halfway drunk. Let's race to be the first to catch up."

_You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic._

* * *

_He took a flower  
In its prime  
And then he used it  
And he abused it_

No one spoke for a really long time. Callie tried to get the conversation moving by talking about men, food, and even drinks. But every time she spoke, everyone glanced at Addison for some reason. They knew the divorce had been hard on him, and the Seattle Grace rumor mill had told the interns that she was still pretty uspset about Meredith's rendezvous with McDreamy. There was a small fear inside them that she would get them fired if they said anything that offended her.

Nevertheless, Addison had been right before when she predicted just how weird this little get-together was going to be. Finally, she decided to just get it over with.

"All right!" She screamed in frustration. "That's enough. Why don't we just identify the elephant in the room? Although it feels more like the Godzilla because you refuse to look at me, and when you do, you seem absolutely terrified."

Everyone acted oblivious until Addison sighed, "You have to stop doing that or else this entire night is going to be absolute hell!"

Izzie kind of backed away, frightened at her outburst. Meredith had the guts to ask, "What?"

Addison ran her hands through her hair. "I know that you slept with my husband. But I'm a human being! You're not going to kill me by talking about the hospital, or men, or anything related to what happened. Okay?"

Everyone was scared to breathe, even Cristina. But Meredith somehow found the courage within her to speak. "Are you?"

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

Addison certainly had not expected this. But she then realized that Meredith's question gave her the perfect opportunity to stop all of this, before it got out of hand. "Um. I would be, if everyone would just stop focusing on me."

"Okay." Meredith nodded. "We can do that. Right?"

Everyone else, including Callie, nodded. Silence fell over them. Meredith wanted to explain to her, but she couldn't find the words. Anything they could say, it seemed, somehow lead to Meredith sleeping with Addison husband. They were all walking on eggshells.

Addison wished they could just be honest with her, as she was already trying to not think about her failed marriage every second of every day. But she knew that interns and honesty never really mixed.

Callie smiled, she really wanted to move on from this awkward period. She could tell that the others weren't really having a good time. She hated being a bad hostess. "Now THAT'S all over with..."

Most of them finished their drinks and things started to loosen up a little bit. Izzie sat down on the floor and started a game of cards, which almost everyone joined in. Addison felt better that the tension was finally broken and they could have a good time.

Izzie smiled "So, Addison, I'm really curious. How are things with Alex?"

Addison blushed and grinned. She was glad that people were starting to acknowledge their relationship."Fine. It's just a little weird to have to act like his boss at work."

Callie shrugged. "I don't think the age difference is even that much."

Cristina tried to do some mental math. "Wait, how old are you?"

"36...and fourteen months." Addison frowned. She wished that they were a little closer in age. It would make things between them so much easier.

"So, that's a little over eight years?" Izzie thought out loud.

Addison sighed. "Yeah, it's a little much."

Callie tried to reassure her. "Not really, when you think about it. And he's mature-ish for his age."

Izzie, the eternal optimist, smiled. "You know? I don't think it matters when it comes to love. It can happen to anyone."

"Tell that to the forty-year-old history teacher who knocks up one of his students." And, as usual, Cristina neutralized Izzie's overly-enthusiastic character.

But Meredith stood up for her. "I kind of agree with Izzie. I mean, Derek was ten years older than me."

Everyone fell into an awkward silence. Meredith silently cursed herself for causing such a moment.

Callie saved them all. "In effort to stop something before it starts, I'm going to pick the conversation back up and say that I agree with both of you. I think the limit on official disgustingness is fifteen years. Exceptions being those under eighteen, in which the limit is much lower." 

Addison, very much wanting to continue the conversation as it was, asked Cristina "How much older is Preston than you?"

Everyone groaned.

Addison played surprised. "What?"

"Don't call him that!" Izzie crinkled her nose.

"Why?" Addison had never heard of this.

Meredith scratched her head in thought. "It's weird! He doesn't look like a Preston."

Callie agreed. "Yeah. Just call him Burke, like everyone else."

Cristina took a sip of her drink. "You all know I call him Burke. I don't think that I knew he had a first name until we moved in together."

Addison defended herself. "Well, he's my friend and I call my friends by their first names."

"Whatever." Cristina blinked. "**Burke **and I are eight years apart also."

Meredith paused in thought. "Do you realize that none of us are dating someone within their age range? Why can't we find someone our own age?"

Callie waved her hands around in the air."Something about complimenting maturity levels." She stood up in her excitement and began to analyze. "Now, see. Izzie, you want someone to lead you and take care of you. But Addison needs to be the dominant in a relationship and she's also looking for a guy that will have the energy and motivation to take care of a family.

Meredith clapped in appreciation. "Well done, Callie."

Callie proudly popped the joints in her fingers. "I didn't minor in psych for nothing."

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Okay. We're getting way off topic here. Addison still has to answer the question." She paused dramatically so Addison could prepare herself. "Can you see yourself marrying him?"

Addison hesitated for a while, licking her lips and thinking. They definitely hadn't been dating long enough to talk about the prospect of marriage, but it would be a lie to say that Addison hadn't thought about it. She smiled as she wondered how much she could trust this particular group of interns to keep their mouth closed. "Yes." Izzie squealed "Oh, that's so exciting!"

Addison put her hand to Izzie's lips in order to silence her. "But don't tell him! I can't scare him off. We're just taking it slow. I'm in no rush. I mean, I figured that I probably won't be able to have kids by the time I get married, so..."

Everyone swallowed. Izzies eyes dart around uncomfortably Addison moaned, "Great. Now I sound like the old women. I'm just really jealous of all of you young kids and your fresh, fertile eggs."

Cristina raised her hand. "You can have mine!"

Addison smiled. Thanks, but no thanks. I'm good. But you should really think about the whole kids thing before you make any decisions."

Callie patted Addison on the back and rubbed her shoulders in a friendly way. "Look at you giving all of us "young kids" some life lessons. Why don't you tell us what it was like in the good ol' days?"

Addison grinned slyly. "Oh, you laugh now. But watch out. You're next."

_Well, I was in such a state of shock,  
I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing.  
It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands  
I even knew they were dead._

* * *

_You know how people have these little habits that get you down?_

"You know who has really annoying habits?" Cristina started, after three screwdrivers, and halfway through a daiquiri.

All of the girls except Izzie fit comfortable around on the huge, L-shaped leather sofa. Izzie sat cross-legged on the floor, with a stack of Cosmopolitan's beside her. She had always wanted to do this, drink Cosmo's while reading the magazine. Her head snapped up at the mention of gossip. "Who?!"

Cristina licked her lips and laughed. "Burke!"

Everyone giggled, so she continued. For full effect, she stood up and began to wave her hands around wildly to paint the scene she was describing. "Okay, okay. Picture this. His apartment is so clean that you could perform surgery on any of his counters. It's terrible. I swear, he spends three-fourths of his day cleaning."

Izzie bounced in excitement. "What else? What else?"

"Okay." Cristina paused in thought. "Oh! You know how his teeth are so white?!"

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"He brushes his teeth after EVERY meal. Including snacks. He keeps two containers of floss on him at all times. One is his BACKUP. As for mouthwash? Four different kinds. He still wears a retainer to BED."

They all burst into laughter. Meredith managed to make out a sentence between giggles. "Does he leave it in during sex?" She squinted in disbelief.

Cristina pretended to be serious. "I don't think you want me to answer that question."

Everyone groaned. Callie put her hands over her ears. "TOO MUCH INFORMATION!"

Izzie laughed. "Maybe we should have rules on this kind of stuff. Like no sex talk."

Callie looked at her like she was stupid. "Are you kidding? There has to be certain level of maturity to this sleepover. We're not all living in middle school. I say that a certain amount of sex talk is allowed. But nothing disgusting."

A chorus of agreement came around the room.

Callie turned back to Cristina. "So, got any more dirt on McChocolately?"

"No!" Cristina pointed at Callie. "You just violated your own rule! McChocolately qualifies as disgusting. Burke can't have a McName. It's just not his nature."

Callie turned to Addison for backup. Addison took a deep breath and looked at Cristina. "You have to tell us more about Burke, or else we are calling him McChocolately for the rest of the night."

"Deal." Cristina immediately agreed. She paused to think.

And then Cristina dropped the bomb. "He cheats on crossword puzzles."

They all gasped.

Cristina nodded. "He looks up the answers on the internet."

"Nooo!" exclaimed Addison. "Preston Burke? Mr. Honorable? Mr. I-Have-No-Moral-Faults?!"

"Oh! And you know what I HATE?" Cristina continued. "When he pauses between EVERY sentence. Like I should be hanging on to every word that he says. Because he's the most wisdom-ous person in the world."

"That's not a word." Addison muttered.

"I thought you weren't counting." Callie mimics.

Cristina was not paying attention to anyone. "And he always repeats everything that he sees. If I'm driving, which I always am, he HAS to read every sign that we pass by. Like he'll just randomly say 'John's Pizza Parlor' or 'Bab's Hair Salon'. I hate that."

Cristina kept talking non-stop about the burden of being romantically attached to Preston Burke for another thirty minutes. It became a little repetitive and boring.

Izzie desperately wanted Cristina to shut up, so she attempted with the only way she knew how. Peeking up from her magazine, she interrupted Cristina and asked, "So, Cristina, have you and Burke talked about having kids?"

Cristina almost dropped her glass.

Izzie smirked. "You have! Haven't you?"

Cristina set her glass down on the table. "Well, we haven't TALKED about it. It was more along the lines of Burke saying that he wanted to have kids and me telling him to go to hell."

"Cristina!" Izzie gasped. "That's such an awful thing to say."

Surprisingly enough, Cristina shrugged. "Whatever. It's not like I'm going to be a good mother anyway."

Izzie, completely ignorant to Addison's feelings, asked, "Is that what happened between you and Shepherd?"

Addison, at that moment, felt that she would have rather gouged out her own eyes before answering the question in front of Meredith.

Addison let out a breath of air. "See, now, a martini ago, that question would have made me cry. But now, nothing."

Meredith scratched her head. "Wait, what?! What are we talking about again?"

Everyone answered her at the same time.

"Nothing."

_The dirty bum_

* * *

_He told me he was single, and we hit it off right away.  
And then I found out,  
"Single" he told me? Single, my ass.  
Not only was he married...oh, no, he had six wives._

"You know," Meredith continued, "I think I just have trust issues. Starting with my dad. And then the think with Derek shot everything to hell."

Addison was quietly sipping her pina colada. She was only halfway listenting.

"I mean, he just can't seem to commit." This was hour two of the Meredith show. The others had busied themselves with other focuses, but Meredith didn't seem to mind. As long as she was allowed to talk, she had no problem. "And I'm not blaming you, Addison."

At the mention of her name, Addison's head snapped up. All of a sudden, she was fed up. "I KNOW." She crossed the room to over where Meredith was. Coincidentally they had been sitting on opposite sides of the couch. "We've been listening to you GO ON for like twelve hours. Okay, we all know that you still love him. I'd never thought I'd say this, but you need to get back together with him. Okay? Just do that. It'll save us some time."

"But he doesn't love me!" Meredith whined.

"Are you kidding me?" Addison exclaimed. "He loves you more than- DOC. And ice cream! And he loves you more than double scotches. And more than most brains. Only except the ones that are really messed up because he really loves those too. Maybe it's a tie." Addison played with her hair, drunkenly confused on what she was saying. Suddenly, it comes back to her. "But, my point is, that he loves you a really really lot. More than he loved me. And he loved me a lot too. Or I thought he did." Addison kneeled down on the floor, partly in sadness, partly in tiredness.

"I think he still loves you in a different way." Meredith observed.

Callie jumped in the conversation for a quick remark. "I think that's the most intelligent thing you've said all night. Yes, Addison, most INTELLIGENT. Not smartest." She paused. "Oh wait, I think that is a word."

Luckily for Callie, no one really heard her.

Addison found her words again. "Yeah, maybe kind of." She shook her head. "I wish I could be happy and just move on. Alex helps a lot. And Alex- you may not know this- but Alex is an excellent knight in shining armor. But he's not because he wouldn't actually wear something ridiculous like that. But he really does make my life most days."

"I think Derek would wear a shining armor suit. Even if it was ridiculous." Meredith thought out loud.

"I think he would too." Addison laughed. "So tell him that I will be just fine, okay? He doesn't really like me right now."

"Yeah. I will." Meredith promised. She buried her head back into the couch. "I don't know!" she screamed, but it came out muffled because of the pillow.

"What?!" Cristina asked.

Meredith pulled her head out of the couch. "I don't know if I want to be with him."

Everyone groaned.

Izzie pounded on the floor. "Meredith, you have a good thing. Why can't you just be thankful for it?"

"I think I just have a self-destructive personality," Meredith observed.

Callie sighed, "Now, don't blame it on that. You just have to think positively. You CAN change."

Not really listening, Meredith continued, "I think it has to do with my mother."

Cristina sipped her glass of wine. "I would have given anything to switch mothers with you."

"You can't change the past," Callie reminded them.

Meredith turned to Callie. "Callie." She paused and squinted. "You turned out pretty much all right. What was your mother like?"

Callie laughed. "She's the exact opposite of yours. Most of the time, she's embarrassingly fun. She can also be quite...exotic."

"Interesting word choice." Addison pointed out, as she tossed her hair. "Why haven't I met your mother?"

Callie shrugged. "She travels a lot." She swirled the drink around in her glass. "You guys probably wouldn't like her anyway."

"Why?" Izzie asked, curiously. Izzie hardly ever met a person that she didn't like, besides Cristina and Callie.

Callie answered quickly. "She's just like an older version of me."

"Okay," Izzie clenched her teeth in fear. _There's two of them?_

"Awwww." Addison leaned forward and hugged Callie. "I like you."

Callie tapped her on the nose. "I like you too. Except for your very bad breath."

Addison blew on her hand and took a big whiff. She shrugged, "I don't smell anything."

"That's because you're smelling your hand, silly." Callie smiled. Addison was rather fun when she was drinking.

Addison giggled. "I'm going to go get some of those peppermint patties that you set out."

Callie nodded, "Good idea." She turned to Meredith. "So, Meredith, where are we on the whole- McDreamy love affair?"

Meredith grimaced. She hated making decisions like this. "Can't I just get another dog?"

Izzie and Cristina answered simultaneouly. "No." They both have had enough experiences with dogs to last them a life time.

Meredith sighed. "Okay." If people repeated themselves enough, Meredith usually started to agree with them.

"What?" Addison asked, exasperated.

"I will give him ONE more chance." Meredith relented.

Addison groaned a "Thank God" and Izzie hummed the Hallelujah chorus.

"Wait." She held up her hand. "But this is his last chance. I mean it. This means no hidden wives, no secret affairs, and no irrational arguments."

"That's not entirely fair," Addison mentioned.

"Fine. One irrational argument per week. If and only if-" Meredith continued. "we can get another dog."

Cristina groaned and Izzie suggested, "How about a cat?" Meredith wrinkled her nose. "I hate cats. My mother had a cat."

"You know what kind of pets are really awesome?" Addison grinned. "Snakes. I bought a boa constrictor after the divorce. Aphrodite is the best."

Meredith laughed. "I forgot you had a snake."

Addison nodded and Cristina woke up from whatever day dream she was having. "Wait, you have a snake?"

Addison nodded again and Cristina cracked up. "That is weird on SO many levels."

_I didn't do it, but if I done it,  
How could you tell me that I was wrong?_

_

* * *

_

_Not guilty!_

"George is a really jealous person," Callie observed over M&M's and potato chips.

"Is he?" Addison raised her eyebrows. "I can't really picture him like that."

Everyone else confirmed Callie's statement.

"Some girl must have screwed him over. Don't you think it's a little unreasonable?" Izzie asked.

Meredith and Cristina nodded in agreement. Callie didn't say anything, but Addison spoke up, "I don't think it's unreasonable."

"Shut up, Addison." Callie muttered, but she knew her secret was about to come out and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

"Callie," Addison emphasized, "they already know."

"Know what?" Meredith was suddenly very curious.

"Callie's been sleeping with Mark." Addison said, matter-of-factly.

Everyone gasped and Izzie clenched her teeth. "What?"

Addison's eyes widened, "You didn't know?!"

"No!" Callie smacked Addison lightly on the back of the head. "And I'm not sleeping with him now. It was over two months ago! George and I weren't even in a relationship then."

"Weren't you married?" Izzie raised her eyebrows.

Addison gestured to Izzie, and looked at Callie, "She really does have a good point."

"I wasn't married!" Callie cried out and ran a hand through her hair. "I've only been married for six weeks."

Izzie looked at her questioningly, "It seems like they might have overlapped."

"Shut up, Izzie." Callie snapped, "I would never cheat on my husband."

Meredith patted Callie on the knee. "I'm really sorry. I didn't know it was so bad."

Callie screamed in frustration. "It wasn't so bad!" She got up off the couch and carried her glass over to the bar. "We just had a falling out! I mean, George knows. He was just happy that I took him back. And sleeping with Mark is like a rite of passage."

Izzie rolled her eyes, and, in response, Callie decided to survey the room. "Okay. You don't believe me. Can I get a raise of hands of who has slept with Mark Sloan?"

Not surprisingly, Addison, Callie, and Izzie, all raised their hands. Callie smiled, "You see? Over HALF. That means it's a RITE OF PASSAGE."

Addison rubbed her chin in thought. "Wow. Mark is really making it around the group."

She paused, and then shrugged. "Who am I to talk?"

"Am I missing out on something?" Cristina wondered out loud.

Addison, Callie, and Izzie all sigh in pleasurable thoughts. Mark had always been an overachiever in the sexual department.

"That good?" Cristina seemed surprised.

Izzie looked down in disgust. "I just can't believe it. All of the diseases that I might be carrying." She shivered.

"What?!" Addison and Callie shrieked at the same time.

"You think we're carrying around STD's?! I'm not that much of a slut." Addison defended.

"That was totally directed to me!" Callie shook her head in fury. "I swear, I am this-" she pinched her thumb and forefinger together to indicate a small distance, "- close to drinking alcohol right now."

"What are you talking about?" Meredith groaned in confusion. "You've been drinking all night."

"I've been drinking sparkling juice all night!" Callie threw her hands up in the air. "I'm agonizingly sober!!"

"Well, that's just stupid." Cristina stated, as she threw back a jello shot.

Because of the alcohol slowing down her brain functions, it took Addison about a full second to realize what was going on. She squealed and ran over to the bar to hug Callie.

Meredith anxiously looked around the room, trying to figure out what they were doing. "What's going on here? What's happening?"

Addison took Callie's face and squeezed it between her hands. She kissed her on both cheeks and then danced around the apartment. "Callie's pregnant! Callie's pregnant!"

Callie rubbed the saliva off of her cheeks. "Okay, okay. Settle down."

"I can't!" Addison jumped up in the air. "It's too much." She was so happy for Callie that she could barely contain herself and she held out her hands to Izzie. "Join me!"

Izzie, eager to be overly excited whenever possible, immediately stood up and started to dance with Addison.

Meredith stood up to look at Callie. "You're pregnant?"

Cristina stood up too. "I can't believe you got pregnant before I did." She seemed defeated, Cristina liked to be the first to win at everything.

Izzie yelled from where she was dancing. "But you don't want kids!"

"Oh, right," Cristina remembered and she sat back down. She supposed Callie could take this one. The thought of a screaming baby apalled her just that much.

Meredith walked over to Callie. "Congratulations." She sincerely gave Callie a hug.

Callie smiled, "Thank you."

Izzie and Addison danced/bounced their way over to Callie. Addison got down on her knees and started to beg the old-fashioned way, "Please, please, please! You have to let me be your OB!"

Callie tugged on her. "Of course. Get up." There wasn't any need to beg. Addison was her best friend and the best OB around. Callie would have no one else.

Izzie bounced. "You have to name it Izzie. Please, please, please!"

Callie led them back into the sitting area. "Sure, Izzie," she muttered, "-when hell freezes over."

"Yay!" Izzie didn't even stop to think about it.

"Aren't you excited?" Addison gushed. She was so glad that she finally had something to be happy and excited about.

Callie found it so wonderful that Addison didn't seem to be jealous at all. After her struggles with having kids, Addison found it within her to be genuinely happy for Callie. "Yes, I am. I can't wait."

"What did George say? And why didn't he tell me? He must have FLIPPED. He's going to be such an amazing dad." Izzie spoke very quickly.

Callie bit her lip. "I haven't exactly told him yet."

"Why not?" Meredith looked up with expectant eyes.

Cristina knew in an instant. She was obsessed with cynical thoughts like this. "She's not sure if it's his."

Suddenly, Izzie turned very angry again. "YOU'RE having Mark's baby?!"

For a moment, Addison forgot about her previous abortion. "I am so jealous!" Addison complained. _Callie and Mark would have very interesting babies_, she thought.

"You have Alex!" Cristina reminded her. "Remember him? Mark Jr.?"

"Oh, right." Addison smiled cheerfully. "I'm going to sit and think about that for a while, I think." _Now Alex and I will have gorgeous, brilliant babies._

"I am ninety percent sure that it is George's." Callie reasoned. "I mean, I've slept with George a lot more times that I slept with Mark." That was only half truthful. Callie knew that she was just making excuses.

Meredith remained optimistic. "It's probably George's then. But you should really tell him."

"Are you kidding?" Cristina stared at Meredith like she couldn't believe her. "It's Murphy's Law. It has to be Mark's." Cristina put a lot of her faith in Murphy's law. It seemed to work out well for her.

"Are you willing to put money on that?" Meredith challenged.

Cristina remained strong. "Definitely." She could really make some money.

"No." Callie stopped them. "No one is betting on my baby."

"Fine." Meredith protested. "We'll just have to find out who the father is some other way. Because you have to know or else your kid will be really screwed up from the start." _Like Meredith-screwed-up, _she thought.

"And how do you propose we do this?" Callie asked intelligently. She was actually getting a kick out of being the only sober one, although it did suck to have to be responsible.

"Do we have a board-certified OB/GYN in the room?" Cristina asked, somewhat rhetorically.

Addison didn't realize that they were talking about her for a few minutes, but then she stood up and rasied her hand. "Ohhh. That's me." She looked at Cristina, waiting for Cristina to give her instructions.

Cristina enjoyed being the boss for a moment and stared at her. "Can't you just look at Callie and pinpoint the exact second that the baby was conceived?"

Callie laughed. "No way. Well, maybe if she wasn't drunk as a skunk." Thinking about her word choice, Callie groaned. She was really starting to sound like her mother.

Addison frowned. "I am NOT drunk as a skunk. Just let me try." She shook her head. "I don't think I can when it was conceived, but I can probably tell you who the father is." She reached out and placed her hand on Callie's stomach.

Callie peered at her. "What do you think you are doing?"

"Don't question my methods." Addison scolded. She was Addison Montgomery, world class renowned surgeon. She was supposed to have obscure methods and people weren't supposed to question them. She paused for a few more seconds, sighed, and then took her hand off Callie's abdomen. "It's George's. Definitely."

"Wow." Meredith stared in amazement.

"How did you do that?" Izzie felt rather inspired. This was one of those moments where she felt that neonatal would be the best specialty for her. Cristina simply sat with a puzzled look on her face, trying to figure out exactly what kind of medical test that Addison had performed.

_This is exactly what is supposed to happen. _Addison smiled. "It just felt like George's baby."

"Wait." Callie stopped her. "So you're not sure?"

Addison laughed. "Of course I'm sure. I felt it in my soul." Addison had felt a lot of things in her soul lately.

"I'm just curious. How?" Callie wanted to have valid proof that George was the father of the child she was carrying.

Addison placed her hand back on Callie's stomach. "I just do. I know what Mark's baby feels like. And this is not Mark's baby."

Callie smiled. For some reason, she just trusted Addison's drunken reasoning. "Okay, okay. It's late. We should really try to get some sleep."

"But I'm not tired!" Meredith complained as she yawned.

"Let's watch a movie!" Addison suggested.

Izzie grinned. "Yay! Let's watch Legally Blonde!!"

Addison smirked. "I have a better idea."

_So I took the shotgun off the wall  
and I fired two warning shots...  
...into his head._

* * *

_He was always trying to find himself.  
He'd go out every night looking for himself  
and on the way he found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving._

"EWWWW!" Izzie screamed, along with everyone else at the sight of a woman's ribs being torn open by a machine.

Meredith had her face buried in the couch. "I can't believe you made us watch _Saw_, Addison."

"It's _Saw III_, " Addison explained, with excitement on our face. Just something about the horror, the gore, the plot twists absolutely thrilled her. Of course, watching "brave and fearless" doctors with horror-struck faces made for a good time."And you guys should be so squeamish. You're doctors! We see this everyday."

Callie pointed to the screen with her free hand. Her other hand was covering her eyes. "I have never seen THAT before."

"It's not the bad." Cristina admitted, with a bit of disgust in her voice.

Meredith crawled up to her and grabbed her. "You're not even watching! But protect me anyway."

It was true. Cristina's gaze had followed to the floor. She wasn't watching. Only listening to the havy breathing and screams made it a little easier to keep her Cheetos down.

Izzie pulled a blanket over her head and peeked out the edge. "Why did you think that we would like this?"

"There's a girl that performs brain surgery near the end." Addison popped a couple pieces of popcorn in her mouth. She was having no trouble keeping _her _food down.

"How can you eat?!" Callie exclaimed. "And why does she perform brain surgery?"

Addison shrugged. "The guy that's killing everyone has terminal cancer and he would die without it." She actually found the story to be quite intreguing.

Izzie couldn't believe it. "Why the hell would she help him?"

"She has a bomb collar strapped to her." Addison said, almost too matter-of-factly.

Callie groaned. "This movie is too weird."

Izzie stared blankly at the screen. "I wonder if this sick feeling is due to the movie or all of the drinking."

"Hey!" Callie threw an empty bowl in her direction. "If you mess up this place, you're going to have clean it up and I know you don't want to do that." That wasn't necessarily ture, but Callie felt that even maids shouldn't have to clean up vomit.

Addison turned to Callie."Speaking of, do you have any Advil? I feel a hangover coming on." She pressed a hand to her head.

Callie smirked. "Sorry. I didn't think to bring any. This is when I gloat."

Izzie squinted. "What time is it?"

Cristina checked her watch. "Four." Her eyelids were barely open.

"Four!" Addison nearly fell out of her chair. "I haven't been up this late since my intern years."

"You're old." Callie stated.

Addison laughed. "We already covered this, remember?" After everything they had gone through that night, Addison grew to like feeling a little older and more mature.

Meredith snored a little and everyone looked at her. Her head was lying on Cristina's lap. Cristina was too tired to tell her to get off, but her gaze fell on something on the ground. "Hey. There's something shiny on the floor." The glare of the televison had just caught it and reflected the light perfectly.

Izzie crawled on her knees to where the shiny thing was. "My earring!" She reached up and felt her ear. "I didn't realize that it was even missing."

Addison peered at Izzie's hands. "Those are very lovely earrings. I love them really really much."

"Oh, thanks." Izzie touched them. "Mark got them for me." She sighed. "I bet he's having sex with someone else right now." Everyone called him a man-whore and she realized that she couldn't change the way he was.

"He's not cheating on you," Addison told her.

Izzie rested her head against the couch. "I have half a mind to call him right now to find out." She pulled out her cell phone, but Callie snatched it away from her hand.

"No way. Absolutely no drunk-dialing. This applies to everyone."

"I just want to know!" Izzie pleaded.

Callie shook her head.

"I said," Addison repeated, "he's not cheating on you."

"How do you know?"

"You're different," Addison insisted."And I'm pretty sure that he's learned his lesson." Addison groaned in recollection of her relationship with Mark. That was not a time she wanted to remember. She had never felt so morally wrong and guilty in her life.

"What happened with you and Mark?" Izzie asked curiously.

"Hey- look." Callie interrupted and pointed to Meredith and Cristina. They were curled up together on the couch, almost spooning each other.

Addison sighed, "They make a cute couple.

Callie laughed. "Yes, they do."

Izzie felt a small twinge of jealousy. She hated not being included in Meredith and Cristina's almost-lesbian love affair. But she really had accepted it by now. She was only the third wheel.

Callie laid on the couch. "I think I'm going to go to sleep."

"I'm going to finish the movie." Addison decided. "But you and the baby should get some sleep."

"Yes," Callie said sleepily. "I agree."

"I'm not really tired." Izzie was still wide awake. "Dr. Mont- Addison, tell me about you and Mark." Izzie wanted to know that Mark was a good man at heart and that she could trust him. She figured the only person who could honestly tell her that was Addison.

Addison waved her hands around to indicate confusion. "It was a whole big mess." She paused. "We tried to make it work, but I was still married to Derek, and he kept flirting with the nurses."

Obviously, this isn't what Izzie wanted to hear and she seemed extremely disappointed at this last comment, so Addison explained futher, "He's learned his lesson, Izzie. I can feel it. He knows that he can't cheat on the woman he loves."

"He cheated on you?" Izzie gasped.

Addison shrugged. "To be fair, I was still married to Derek." She didn't know why she kept defending Mark. Maybe, on some level, she felt that he deserved to have his feelings taken serious.

"Alex cheated on me," Izzie admitted glumly. "With Olivia. And I was very upset. I cried."

"Yeah. I knew about that." Addison stared at the television screen. "I try not to think about it. But I'm going to still date him. People make mistakes."

"It's almost weird, how similar Mark and Alex are." Izzie realized.

"I think it's weirder that both of us have slept with the both of them." Addison laughed. "It's like a square."

"You almost have two squares," Izzie observed, "If Meredith slept with Alex, that would be another square."

"Well, you almost have two squares too," Addison shot back, "If you and George slept together, it would be you, Mark, George and Callie."

"Ew. Oh, now, that's weird." Izzie remarked. She paused in thought. "This is fun. We should do this again sometime."

"Yeah." Addison slid down the couch to sit by Izzie. "Popcorn?" She offered her the bowl and Izzie took a few pieces.

They both watched the movie for a couple more minutes until this guy was getting drowned in pig guts, and Izzie decided to pick up the conversation again. "Before, you said that you knew what Mark's baby felt like. Does Mark have a kid that he doesn't know about?"

"No." Addison stuffed a handful of popcorn into her mouth. "I had his baby inside me once." Her hand grazed over her abdomen, where she had once felt the life inside her.

"Oh." Izzie wasn't quite sure what to think. A lot of things looked blurry to her right then.

Addison sniffled a little, as she thought about her own child that she had treated so horribly. That she had punished even thought he hadn't done anything wrong. "I killed it, Izzie. I killed his baby." Addison had tears in her eyes. "And he forgave me." Addison put her hand over to mouth to cover her sobs. Somehow, in all her drunkeness, she found herself trusting Izzie.

Izzie turned up the movie a little bit and she put her hand on Addison's arm. Addison's lip trembled and Izzie hugged her. "Sorry about your baby."

Addison pulled away and kneeled to grab Izzie by the shoulders. "Promise me that you won't ever let him get away. He's so wonderful sometimes."

Izzie shook her head seriously. "I won't. I really don't think he's cheating on me anyway."

"Yeah." Addison sat down. She took another shaky breath. She became anxious all of a sudden. "I really want to talk to Alex," she whimpered.

"Then, call him." Izzie handed her someone's cell phone. She wasn't sure whose it was.

"What about the rules?" Addison looked up at her with glassy eyes. "Callie said that we weren't allowed to drunk-dial anyone."

"I'm going to let you in on a little secret," Izzie said, jokingly, "Callie doesn't own the world, even though she might think that. Just call him."

Addison took a deep breath and sighed. "Okay." She dialed Alex's number. He picked up on the fourth ring.

_"Hello?"_

"Hey. It's me," Addison whispered. She felt so much better hearing his voice.

_"_ _Addison__? It's almost five in the morning. Did you just get up or have you been awake all this time?"_

"I've been awake," she admitted, "Sorry to wake you up."

_"It's okay" he said gruffly,_ _"Was there somthing that you needed?"_

"I just wanted to talk to you." Addison swallowed. "I was feeling a little scared."

_"Do you want me to come pick you up?"_

Truthfully, he did want to come pick her up. He hadn't been so sure about this thing in the first place and he wasn't just to sleeping alone. But Addison insisted, "No, I'm fine.

_"Are you having fun?"_

"Izzie and I are having fun together." Addison laughed.

_Alex's eyes widened in arousal._ _"Tell her to keep her hands off my girlfriend. Unless she absolutely can't help it. In that case, tell me and I'll come over and join in the fun."_

Addison giggled. "Not that kind of fun." Izzie burst into laughter. Addison had to talk louder to be heard over her. "We're watching _Saw III_."

_"Which one is that?"_

"The one where the one guy's limbs are twisted until his muscles and bones snap."

_"Ohhh. That's a good one."_

"Yeah." Addison smiles. "I think so too. What are you doing now?"

_"I **was **sleeping. But I will forgive you if you send me a picture of you."_

"Right now?" Addison asked.

_"Yeah."_

"Hold on. I've got to find another phone to send it on. I don't want to hang up on you just yet."

_Alex laughed._ _"I was wondering why you were on Cristina's phone."_

Izzie help up another phone. "Found one!" They took another picture and sent it to him.

Addison picked up the other phone. "Did you get it?"

_"Ummmm..." Alex cradled the home phone between his should and his ear while he picked up his cell phone. He started to laugh. They were both sticking their tongues out at him and making funny faces. _

"Wait," she said. "Here's another one." This picture was of all of the empty food containers and bottles at the bar.

_"Geez. How drunk are you?"_

"I'm not going to lie-" she started "you could probably take a whole lot of advantage of me."

_"Aww." He couldn't tell if she was joking or not. He decided to reassure her anyway. "You know I would never do that."_

"Yeah. I know that." She paused. "Hey, do you know where Mark is?"

_"Yeah." Alex chuckled a little. "He and Derek left Joe's together. They were going to the trailer to have some 'man-time', you know, to fish and grill and wrestle."_

Addison smiled and told Izzie, "Mark's with Derek. They're at the trailer." This reassured Izzie more than Addison knew. She put the phone back to her ear. "I miss you."

_"I miss you too. Come home please."_

"I'll be home in a few hours."

_"Then, what's the difference?"_

"Alex, I can't. I just can't explain it. We just have to do somethings on our own."

_"Yeah, I get it." He stopped and listened to her breathe for a moment. "I'll let you go then."_

"Okay. Bye."

_"Love you."_

"Love you too." Addison hung up and put the phone on the floor. Izzie didn't speak for a very long time, as she started to fall asleep and curled up in a bunch of blankets.

Addison shook her awake. "You didn't get to see the end of the movie."

"I'll live." Izzie growled. Her eyes were already closed.

"Izzie!" Addison was getting more awake by the second.

"Okay!" Izzie sat up. "Tell me what happens."

"Everyone dies."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"Stupid horror movie." Izzie fell back down onto the blankets.

"It's no wonder why there are so many murderers today."

___And then he ran into my knife,  
he ran into my knife ten times._

* * *

A/N: This was originally part of one of my more lengthy fics, but I decided that it would work better as a one-shot. I adapted it the best I could, but there might be some inconsistencies.

Reviews are much appreciated. :)


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